Lore and its effect on the gamer -- 40k edition

I like the term some regulars on Bell of Lost Souls came up with to describe those who are drawn to the narrative aspects of a game – the Lore Boars.  “Fluff Bunny” seems so trite, so belittling as used by the intense hardcore tournament-scene players, and there are so many people who are involved in a much more complicated hobby than merely gameplay.

As a Lore Boar, I should mention the moment that I became entranced by 40k, and how that changes my play style today.

It was summer – hot enough to keep me up.  I had another month before I would have another paycheck, and jobs in college towns dry up in the summer like unlucky tadpoles after the rains play out.  The panic of “can I live off this money for this long…” was as tangible as the heatwave and the white noise of the box fan pointed at my deskchair.  My roommates had gone to bed an hour ago, one with the air of rum hovering about him.  I couldn’t sleep, had run out of distractions, had no games to lose myself in, and began to link-hop around the internet.

I have never been able to find the page again, despite looking for it over the years.  It was a collection of various fluff snippets from various sources linked together, found by accident, all surrounding the Horus Heresy.  It was written as a series of articles, almost like a page detailing the journalism of an era, almost like it was a history-book detailing various accounts of an important event.  Three hours later found me crouched on my chair, leaning forward, entranced by this story of betrayal and heroism.  The sacrifice of Ollanius Pious, the remorse of Luther in his moment of clarity, the determination of the crew of the Eisenstein, the desperation of Magnus in his unwilling turn to Tzeentch for aid, the moment that the Phoenician’s doubt and friendship with the Gorgon stayed his hand for a single breath – the stories were all so… human.  The sun came up and I couldn’t deny sleep any longer, so I went to bed with visions of post-humans and the whispers of chaos flitting through my brain.

I knew then that I wanted to be a part of this, to participate, to get my hands dirty with something I’d never done before.  This was a new adventure, something to try, something to make my own.  When a friend, Allan – who is now the part-owner of a local LGS and sponsor of the largest local gaming club --  offered me cheap windfall minis, I jumped right in and bought a hundred Dark Eldar warriors from him for the price of wings and beer during a summer again with no paycheck and long hours to survive, only this time I had a project to keep my spirits up.  Gaming became bigger than dice and character sheets – it became about plans and about crafting something new.  And while I was an abysmal painter, I learned little by little what to do to get better in small steps. 

As I put together my first force, we played on my living room floor, with books as hills, until I got the hang of the patterns and strategies and numbers.  Eventually, I beat Allan once, so we began to play at higher points, and I began to learn exactly how complicated and involved the game could be.  Going to the local GW store and other LGS in the area brought me into contact with many other players, and my initiation was complete.

Later, it was wargaming that provided me peace of mind in a time of tumult, giving me a reason to escape bad situations.  Later, it was my place of sanity and solidity as I worked too much and fled from toxic roommates.  It became more than a hobby as I got painting lessons from redshirts, then became one myself, then moved across the state just as the GW stores in the northeast were systematically closed down one by one.  Still, having a geek-friendly girlfriend (and now wife) with an artistic bent, painting and modeling have continued to be a shared hobby.

As I found out I was to be a father in the fall, I gave myself the birthday present of a minis Kickstarter so I’d have a project to work on when not making up for lost sleep on my paternity leave.  My wife has her own painting projects, some of which are miniature-based, and I know she will be sitting next to me and hogging all the light.  Someday, my son (and, someday if the fates allow, perhaps my daughter as well) will perhaps want to learn how to play, and I can turn this geek-hobby of mine into a family activity.  When home on paternity leave, I plan on taking what time I have between sleep and play and fighting off the chaos of clutter to experiment with some new painting ideas.

Still, there is that one day, the sense of discovery and curiosity sharp and the unfolding of the story intense, that each person has when a world opens up and embraces them.  There might be a similar experience for my children, where they begin to see the themes and complexity for themselves.  At that point, I will be welcoming them into the fold of Lore Boars and our ways.